All I want for Christmas...

Dear Santa,

I know you are super busy with five days left until your big night, but my Christmas wish list shouldn't be too hard to fill. I'm sure you and the elves can work some holiday magic! I bet you could even get the Mairie de Paris or maybe the Paris transportation folks to help you make my Christmas dreams come true. They're all about the warm and fuzzy spirit of the season!

So get to it Santa, I've been nice this year!
* Courtesy on the métro, specifically teaching subway riders how to get on and off the métro cars. I'm just so confused why my fellow commuters think I can magically pass through them when it's time to disembark. Maybe you can just go ahead and give me special powers so I can fly to work.

* Clean sidewalks, walkways, basically anywhere I plant my feet. Not going to lie Santa...the dog and human caca smushed into what seems like every Parisian surface I traverse is really starting to get to me. I know there are fines for such littering, but no one seems to give a sh*t. Surely, you could create an elf task force to deal with this sort of thing. You must have high tech pooper scoopers on the production line.

* Scooter-less streets. I think you'd be doing anyone who rides one of these small engine jokes a service by popping their tires. Think of it as helping them graduate to the big leagues and encouraging them to get a real motorcycle. Those little scooters just make such much noise with their huffing and puffing up Paris's grand boulevards.

* Marked walking paths. Santa, did you know that "up on the right, down on the right" doesn't exist in France?! All those years of being taught to walk on the right side of the sidewalk are worthless in this city. My elementary teachers would be so disappointed. It's chaos on the Parisian streets, people going willy nilly any direction they choose and as a runner I've bumped into one too many poles and been forced into car traffic enough times to not let this craziness continue. Time to get everyone on the straight and narrow Santa and paint some arrows. You might even need to bump it up to dividers with flashing lights.

* Vacation. Hmmm...I think a vacation from Paris takes precedence over wishes one through four. You might want to go with this one first, just a hunch. Destination U.S.A. would suite me quite well, but no matter where you send me there must be a hot, hot shower (Do you do repairs? I'll send you my address.), a free washing machine, and double pane windows.

Okay, that about wraps it up Mr. Claus! Please and thank you, and I can't wait to see what wonders you work!

Cheers,

P.S. I saw Rudolph loitering around your sleigh in Copenhagen last weekend and he says he wants more carrots.