The Red Leprechaun

If you have ever dated a man from Ireland, or if you are Irish then don’t think I believe that the Irish are leprechauns. When I was in Ireland there were so many men that had the body, face, and personality to go with the delicious accent. It was too bad I couldn’t take advantage of it because I had a boyfriend with me. A year before that, however, my impression had been tainted by one of the first Irish men I had ever met in New Zealand. A lot of people go to New Zealand and Australia in their younger years to party and experience a different culture. The majority of Canadians choose Australia because it has a beach, accents, and booze (goon). I chose New Zealand because I thought I was different and wanted to see the scenery. Little did I know I was about to experience the cliché young travelers’ trip that I had tried to avoid. Although there are many stories I can tell you from this trip and the others following it, I choose to disturb your comfort level yet again by telling you about one “man” that I met and decided to date… for a couple of days. I met many people in New Zealand, and when I went onto Australia I was excited but nervous to be alone again. One guy that I had met, who is nicknamed the Leprechaun, was a funny short guy with elf ears and an Irish accent. His smile was one for the ages with teeth coming out on all angles, but he had a bit of charm, which didn’t take away from the fact that he looked like a leprechaun. We met in a hostel and became friends over the week that I stayed there. Of course he was an attempted Ladies Man, but was always unsuccessful, especially with me. His little Lucky Charms laugh made me feel better, and his eagerness to be active and try new things always made me feel better when I was lonely or bored. The Irish accent had never been a big thing for me, I really liked British at the time, so it didn’t outweigh his small appearance. As we got to know each other, he would try harder and harder to get me to hold his hand or to kiss him. Now, I’m 5’3”, and he was shorter than me. He would give me a hug and try to get nearer to my face until I left the hostel and we exchanged numbers. As a matter of fact, I was looking at photos the other day and came across one of him and me, my face sympathetic looking and almost a hand on his to push it away. This describes our relationship. By the time I left New Zealand for Australia, I knew I would be alone for a while. I was having some anxiety issues, and it always helped to be with friends. When I was over in Australia, I knew he had gone over just a few days before and so I decided to message him to see if he was in Sydney. He was, and decided to come to the hostel to hang out and have a few drinks. As it always happens, just after the invite I made four friends whom I still talk to today. I had said he could join us, which I immediately regretted because of his little leprechaun kissing attempts. On his way to the hostel explained how he got kicked out of his friend’s house and he needed a place to stay and would try to get a hostel for the night… But the catch was he didn’t have any money. He also told me that he fell asleep outside that day, and got a sun burn. Now, I have seen sun burns, had sun burns, and have cruelly smacked a sun burn. I have never seen a person actually become a sun burn until that day. He met me outside the hostel and said, “it’s pretty bad isn’t it.” I said it wasn’t too bad, which was a clear lie. As the night progressed we all became drunk enough for me to offer him a place in my room, since there were 3 empty beds in a four-person room. Maybe it was the fact that I had been lonely, or was quite drunk, but I ended up sleeping with him. I slept with a red leprechaun. How unfortunate that I still remember it vividly. Lets bring you in on the magic shall we? We didn’t sleep together until the morning when we woke up, and after he started, he just stopped moving. This was a whole “1-mississippi” count. I asked what was wrong and he smiled his little leprechaun smile and said oh nothing, you’re so beautiful. Blah blah, I was laying there not moving for about 5 minutes asking him if we were going to do anything and I got frustrated and got up to leave. I realized that he had finished as it was “1-missi…” count. Well, what a waste of time. I proceeded to freak out and watch him waddle away as a little red leprechaun who still had the impression of my ear on his cheek. I guess he had hoped his lucky charms had worked on me because he continued to message me for the rest of my trip. Thanks, but you can keep your pot of gold.