Diary : Better

I am to remember this day.




It seems like I haven't been blogging but I've typed so many articles and some random posts. Some are drafts, some are deleted. I decided to publish this random one.
It was the day before my birthday this year. Liza just came back from the US in the morning. Natalie just got back from HK. Leng and Nana rushed from work. They were there to celebrate birthday for me, to make me feel special. I like to have Chinese dinner for birthday because we get to sit together. A round table, so we can see each other and talk. A symbol of unity too. Dinner was great and we left to Leonardo's for wine.


It was one of the best nights. We sat down and we talked for hours.
My shoulders are heavy. I have very high expectation of myself. Never for others but for and of myself. I'm hard on myself, as supposed, that's what they always say. My mind always has the right ideas, wise decisions, smart answers but my heart acts... weird. It's not just my past relationship but my family, my work. I feel that I'm incompetent at work. I feel that I have to take all the responsibilities as a good daughter. I think for others and I care a lot for their feeling. I easily feel worthless and incapable, I don't know why.

I was waiting for something to hit me, hit me, so I'll wake up and buck up. It was that night, I think, I think. Girls poured their heart, I poured mine. The patience they offered, the faith they have in me, are tremendous.
I'm better, so much better. I'm so positive lately, everyone can sense it, can feel it. I caught myself smiling at nothing just driving. That's when I know that I'm happy on my own!

Time is the key. I'm taking too long but I'm getting there.