An open letter to Anja van der Spuy

Dear Anja,

Can you even read English?

I see that you wrote Jennifer Aniston an open letter. How dare you attack such a sweet woman?

You think that you’re so cool, but we all know that you used to think that Austria is just a shorter way of saying Australia. Not to mention that time you thought that Charlie Hebdo was a person.

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And who are you to judge Jennifer Aniston’s hair? You once dyed your hair to look like Rondald McDonald, who btw is a kak person to idolise. (I’ve seen the Supersize Number 5 boxes in your car.)

2010 wasn’t your best year.

Jennifer Aniston’s dresses might be safe, but at least she never thought that purple leggings, gold shoes and denim shorts go together. That’s right, I remember that fugly outfit.

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Let’s never forget that you used to go clubbing and have been in Tollies and Tiger Tiger.

And not only that – you were totally a woo girl back in the day. That’s right, A WOO GIRL.

That reminds me – you like to diss Two Broke Girls and Big Bang Theory, but you used to think How I Met Your Mother and Barney Stinson were the funniest things on the planet. *Shudder*

So Anja, never forget that you were also once a Miley, Jennifer and even Avril Lavigne. You’re not better than any of the stars you’ve written letters to. Except Kylie Jenner, because let’s be honest – I win.

Love,

Present Anja

P.S. I’m so glad you’re over your stupid duck face phase.

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