Rainy Day DIY

It is terribly cold and terribly wet today.

So we might as well stay in and paint our nails.

As I mentioned, I am really trying to step up my Nail Game these days.

Plus, it’s fun as shit.

And I am America’s #1 Sucker for shit like this.

Because I’m twelve.

But ohhhh. Look at those cute fucking ghosts and cats and spiders.

How could I not?

And just so long as you don’t go ape shit, they can actually look quite nice.

WARNING: This is not a step-by-step photo tutorial because it was never intended to be. I’m not that good, you guys.

But step-by-step photos or not, Step One is always cuticles, bitches.

I have struggled with ugly, brittle, snaggly ass cuticles for years.

You know why?

Because I didn’t do shit except complain about it.

I bought the Essie Apricot Cuticle Oil and after two uses went, “oh.”

It was that easy to reverse the problem and now it seems almost shameful and hilarious that there was even a problem to begin with.

This is no magic folks, just very basic science 2 mins out of your day.

I like to try and let the oil sit on my cuticles as long as possible.

Sometimes, I even do this after using the Fresh Sugar Lip Scrub on them.

You can kill two birds by scrubbing your lips and then when you rinse them, scrub the remainder of the product into your cuticles.

Then you do the thing that Ryan hates the most.

Seriously, ladies.

He can’t even watch me push my own cuticles back, let alone FILE the nails.

Boys. They just can’t hang.

But you can because you are woman and because you are strong.

Get that stick and push those cuticles back.

Like a god damn lady.

The hard one to see on the right is OPI Nail Envy (I prefer the Strengthening formula myself, but do you girl. Do you).

That gets 1-2 coats dependent upon how opaque my nail color is, keeping in mind you want to keep as few layers on your nails as possible, because obviously.

Then you paint ‘em.

Then, when they are still kind of tacky, you apply your Seche Vite top coat. I ensure they’re still tacky by doing one hand at a time. Meaning, paint left hand then top coat left hand.

For this Halloween nail DIY, I did as above for all but my left ring finger. For that little guy, instead of painting, I applied one decal to the (in this case) two layers of Nail Envy.

Then (back to the color, in this case black because Halloween) after scraping all of the black polish off the brush, I dipped the tiniest bit of it back into the polish, so only the very tip of the brush was coated.

Starting in the middle of the nail I dabbed the small amount of polish onto the tip, gently pulling it down to either side of the nail. Does that make any fucking sense? Two strokes.

I used to try and start from one side of the nail and do it all in one magical stroke.

Just don’t.

Don’t even try.

Trust me.

Then, you finish that bad boy off with with a healthy serving of Seche Vite and say,

“Fuck it! Who cares if Halloween isn’t for another three weeks.”

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