I Don’t Give A Crap About Your iPhone – AKA the grossest (but funniest) post I will probably ever make.

Howdy Taters!

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend! Let me start this post off apologizing for the lack of a weekly wrap up last week. I was having a very blah day due to work and life events in general and I was honestly just not motivated to post at all.

However, I do need to share with you all something that happened to me this past Saturday and I will do so trying my darndest not to gross you out or be to TMI, but seriously folks…I need to tell you this story.

The Thrutsmaster and I were grocery shopping on Saturday morning, and as we were walking down the pet supplies aisle, my IBS decided to act up. So, I quickly handed my shopping list to my hubby and quickly did a run/walk to the ladies restroom.

Once in there, I didn’t hear anyone else inside (it’s a tiny restroom with only 2 stalls) and thought, great! I can poop in peace…

But I was wrong.

As soon as I sat down, I heard movement in the stall next to me, and then I heard the voice of a little old lady…

Mystery lady: God, don’t you just hate public restrooms? Someone has peed all over this seat.

Me: Erm, yeah…that’s kind of gross…(makes unlady like noises with my pattoot)

Mystery lady: I guess I will have to wipe it off with a toilet seat cover, do you need to wipe down yours?

Me: Nope, I’m good.

At this point there is a few moments of silence, I’m assuming while she was cleaning off the toilet seat and starting to do her business and I thought I might get some peace now to do my business too but noooooooooo.

Mystery lady: I once dropped my iphone in the toilet at the Walmart here in town, and then after I fished it out, I lost it somewhere in the store…

Me: (more ugly intestinal noises) Oh, I work at Walmart (why the fuck did I just say that???)

Mystery lady: Oh, I don’t suppose you’ve seen it in your lost and found have you?

Me: Um…nope, no toilet iPhones in our lost and found…sorry.

By this point all I wanted to do was finish my business and get out of there so I put it into overdrive, and while I was making all sorts of ungodly noises with my butt, she just kept on talking about her iPhone. I made it my mission to get done before her and get out of that bathroom and I accomplished that mission, washed hands and all in about 1 minute.

When I got back to the Thrutsmaster and regailed my bathroom tale to him, he couldn’t push the shopping cart for laughing.

In summation, if you are ever in a public restroom with me, I don’t give a crap (literally) about your iPhone.