Healing

Losing Duke has been hard. I knew that he meant so much to me but maybe I didn't know exactly how much. I didn't realize how much of my daily life revolved around him. How much I depended on him. How much happier he made every single day.
I picked up my baby's ashes a little over a week ago. I had been numb for a few days prior to that. But on that day, I lost it. Here I was holding this small cedar box and my sweet baby boy was in there. How was that possible? How is that right? I began driving myself crazy with what-ifs and if-onlys. I blamed myself and wondered how I could have done things differently. I thought about how ironic it was that just last summer, a year ago, I went through a different kind of "death". A little over a year ago I was happy. I had my own little family. And now what was left of that?
I am grateful to have such a great circle of friends who have been helping me get out of this rut. My darling Eun Hae sent me The Rainbow Bridge poem. It was especially fitting since Duke's birthplace of Hawaii, is considered the rainbow state.

The background picture is of a cemetery that is next to Duke's favorite dog park - the Diamond Head Bark Park. You may not be able to see it, but there's a rainbow in the sky.
Kait sent me the confirmation I needed just 2 days after Duke went to heaven. Sure enough, his heaven IS the beach.

Jee Hae saw the coolest sign on the road.

Amber surprised me with the most thoughtful gift I've ever received! --- a ring that has a paw print engraved on the outside and "Duke Taylor - always by my side" engraved on the inside.

Eun Hae and I had the best FaceTime session ever while she was at the beach!

And so many more of you have been wonderful. I know Duke Taylor would love all of this attention! Thank you all from the bottom of my heart. It means more than you know!