What We Say (Five Questions That Are Hard To Answer)
A few weeks ago I was standing in line at the post office when a woman with four young children trailed in behind me. She was carrying a large box, an overstuffed purse, and a very tired baby. I said a quick hi, how are you. She replied good! And then we both pretended I didn’t just ask a mother of four how’s she feeling with a bunch of hangry kids at the post office during lunchtime.
It’s part of the social constructs of life. Someone comes up and asks a polite question and we give a polite answer back. It’s not that they aren’t sincere or that we’re not honest, it’s just that not everyone needs to know that “I’m fine” means “I’m tired and possibly have a sinus infection.”
The concept of TMI is insulting to those of us who like to just tell it like it is, but I will admit to small talk for the sake of saving everyone the long version. I’m also the kind of introvert that is an open book with friends, but quiet as a church mouse with the other moms at the library.
Five questions no one really wants to answer, the last being my personal favorite as it usually involves panic and mild hives.
Here’s to finding middle ground.
1) You have a newborn! How are you feeling?
What I say: I’m doing okay. A little tired and sore, but hanging in there.
What I mean: The other day I sneezed and I think part of my vagina fell out. I’m not sure. When I called the doctor, they put me on with a nurse who said to apply ice and maybe take a few deep breaths. I hung up and ate fourteen individually packaged brownies to cope. Breastfeeding is going okay, minus the blinding pain and cracked nipples. My cousin told me to put cold cabbage leaves down my shirt, but so far I just smell like coleslaw. I’m doing the best I can. My plans include survival and lifelong abstinence. I don’t know, I haven’t slept since last Tuesday.
2) What do you do in your spare time?
What I say: Read, write. I haven’t had time to watch much TV, but I heard Broad City is good!
What I mean: Let’s see, watch as much good TV as humanly possible while also keeping up with library books, writing projects, and herding the kids from room to room? Also have you ever seen the hit TV series Friends? Because I’m still watching that, too. Lately I’ve been dragging myself to aerobics at the gym so I don’t die of a frozen pizza induced heart attack at 30, but most of my very limited spare time is spent doing things that don’t require thinking, talking, or making eye contact with strangers.
3) How are the kids doing?
What I say: Good. Very busy!!!
What I mean: Yesterday my one-year-old took one of my sneakers, dipped it into a potty my four-year-old forgot to flush, and drank it shot style. She would have gone for seconds, but I intervened which was pretty devastating. Have you ever heard the mating call of a howler monkey? That’s the sound my daughter makes when I take away her feces water. Honestly if one more person asks me to make them a sandwich, I’m going to lock myself in the bathroom for the remainder of the week.
4) Are you thinking of having any more children?
What I say: I’d like another one, but Austin isn’t sure. We’ll see!
What I mean: ISN’T THE MIRACLE OF BIRTH AMAZING. I love birth. I could give birth all over this place. I love screaming for an epidural and pushing out a new slippery human into the world. The recovery is semi-horrifying, but have you ever smelled fresh baby scalp? It’s a heroine shot of love. How could that phase of my life be over? YOLO. Let’s do this one more time. It should be the easiest one yet. They can sleep on the floor like Tarzan and eat table scraps from the other two. Austin disagrees, but I think that’s because he enjoys sleep, hobbies, and easy vacationing.
5) What are you up to lately? Anything exciting?
What I say: Oh, I don’t know. {Insert advanced stuttering}
What I mean: I found a five dollar bill in an old pair of pants the other day, that was pretty thrilling! I wish big things were on the horizon; that the book I’m writing is finished or that I’m planning a road trip to California. But the truth is the list of writing projects is long and money is tight. I hired a once-a-week babysitter and am starting a babysitting swap, but like most people– every day is about balance. Finding joy in the mundane while moving forward with the big picture. It’s also a lot about eating a burrito in the dark after the kids have gone to bed. That’s about as good as it gets.
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