Follow Friday: Book Sale Scores
Today’s post features photos from my library book sale scores. Have a great weekend!
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
Cheeseboy22 A cute thing I tell my kids is, “Always leave the public pool warmer than you found it.”
marlespo The kind of day when your genitals could catch fire & give birth to giant ants & you’d be all Mm Hmm Yep OK That Makes Sense Today Go For It
InternetEh To listen to some people, the US is the greatest, strongest country ever, & also constantly in danger of collapse when LGBTs get too happy
BeTheBoy Decided I’m just going to be the box of rattlesnakes I want to see in the world.
drewtoothpaste “War never changes,” I began the letter, explaining to the teacher why I missed Kindergarten Graduation to watch the Fallout 4 trailer
Jedimasterbator At an Internet cafe. Do I tip the server?
Soulsmithy I hope one day I’m influential enough to have my tweets screengrabbed out of context for a misguided hot take.
KelgoreTrout always the bridesmaid, never the bass singer in a barbershop quartet
DanMentos “There’s a sucker born every minute” -guy giving a tour of the world’s least efficient lollipop factory
karentozzi Sext: Got my head stuck in your cat door while you were on vacation.
DancesWithTamis Double chins would make more sense if you could store food in them for later
vornietom If God didn’t want us to make sequel jokes, he wouldn’t have made ‘two’ rhyme with ‘electric boogaloo’
nevesytrof If you buy a Tesla Model S on eBay using PayPal you unlock the cheat codes to capitalism.
brianadamsboone Sepp Blatter quits FIFA, clutching ankle, crying big fake tears.
McNarstle Sorry you expected something freaky. I wasn’t speaking in code. It really just is a “German potato salad” party.
WBKnoblock Bagels, or as I call them, circle bread
annetdonahue My superhero power is reporting every promoted Twitter account about dieting and “perfect beach bodies” for spam.
themiltron (the invention of coffee) Here, try this. “Gross, give me more.”
Abusitron if you see an opinion you don’t like online there’s a 90% chance it’s from a guy who smells like old milk cartons
PetiteRainCity “As if you don’t know we’re going to bed together,” I smile coyly, hugging my struggling cat.
DancesWithTamis The hardest yoga position is the one where you spread your legs, push push push and a baby comes out
hellolanemoore if you want to confuse a guy, make out with him while wearing a romper. works every time.
sailorbee Drake Bell died the way he lived: irrelevant.
fart saw a guy walking around with a “Keep Calm and Carry a Gun” shirt, a shirt designed to make literally no one calm
robfee Caitlyn Jenner figured out how to be free & happy in life & Ive been staring at McDonalds menu for 9 minutes debating which hamburger to eat
vornietom The roof the roof the roof is on fire The roof the roof the roof is on fire We dont need no water let the motherfucker burn Theres a drought
FeralCrone Oh mah gahd, please read mah mahm blahg on the Blorfington Pohst (BlorfPo)!
saladinahmed Let the tree people cower! Let the bog people run! THIS IS THE DAY OF THE HILL PEOPLE! THIS IS THE DAY WE SLAY ZOROK-KRAL! #MondayMotivation
BuckyIsotope Bro do you even lift your eyes to the starry sky and imagine the expanding edge of infinity?
introvertedwife Rule of thumb: My thumb is a terrible ruler. It got overthrown in ten minutes.
saladinahmed No one without sorcerous powers should be called “The Shadow Chancellor.” That’s just false fucking advertising.
missambear Congratulations to Kim and Kanye on the announcement of their viral content
EmilyHenryWrite a “summer body” is whatever happens when you sit out in the sun eating cheez-its for 3 months.
jessokfine If we’re so worried about aliens probing our butts, maybe we should stop broadcasting so much butt-glorifying propaganda.
MassageByTed As your anaconda gets older, you may find that its priorities change and that it don’t want none unless it has a drawstring.
kerihw cows standing up = sunny cows sitting down = rain cows rampaging through villages eating children = nuclear reactor has broken down again
kerihw *dad sense tingles* someone’s adjusted our thermostat
the_author_ “That’s a made-up word,” shrieks someone who only utters Genuine Organic Words™, harvested by hand from the Word Orchard
JerryThomas The average person only uses 10% of his brain. I’m having the rest of mine made into a pair of oven mitts.
Elizasoul80 If my identity was stolen, I’d be like “I’ve been looking everywhere for that.”
pareene When the Patriot Act expires I’m gonna check out some rude-ass library books
OwensDamien When they met, it was MOIDER. And sometimes BOIGLARY. There was also a certain amount of POIJURY.
oldmanweldon I’m so boring that if I were a character in Mad Max Fury Road, my name would’ve been “Brad”
weinerdog4life I found a dildo in the forest, it is a forest dildo and it is magic
Jackclemens1 Up to 3 cups of coffee a day could extend your life, studies say. But more than 4 could shorten it. Exactly 3.7 cups will Last Crusade you.
weinerdog4life I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her not to shape shift into a lizard
usedwigs The only downside to lying on your back on the beach and staring up at the clouds for 4 hours is getting fired from your lifeguard job.
Tw1tter_K1tten A tweet so good the NSA accidentally RTs it.
BromanConsul I feel attractive today (looks at photo) I am literally a goblin
joshjs The cashier’s like a knight and the bagger is the squire, I figure
BillCorbett It’s good that we, as a culture, have finally disassociated kindness with rewinding videotapes.
FlyoverJoel The rain in Maine falls mainly on my vacation.
pixelatedboat Office morale has increased noticeably since we put a tarp over Dave’s body
hippieswordfish (bus stop) ‘help! is there a doctor around?’ im a dr ‘this guy got shot’ how does that make you feel ‘what are u doing?’ im a psychiatrist
cloudypianos ways to get the guy: -don’t -read a book -have you tried porn? -ice cream
Cheeseboy22 Whenever I put my kid in a bounce house, I turn around and say, “He’s not my problem anymore. He belongs to the bounce house now.”
rstevens I don’t know how they make these Pringles taste exactly like regretting your wasted youth, but they’re amazing
Jackclemens1 I was too embarrassed to dance at my own wedding but a wasp attacks me and I learn I can really tell a story with my body.
sad_tree *Bruce Wayne buying a car* SALESMAN: I need you to sign here BW: Got a batpen? S: Wut BW: PEN. Pen. An ordinary nonbat pen would be great
fart high school prom was a great experience for me. i stayed home watching a marathon of “Sliders”
Iron_Spike The belief that thousands of people can keep a secret for centuries on end is always the least realistic part of global conspiracy theories.
boring_as_heck (mysterious old lady flips tarot card revealing a dude who looks exactly like me flying a hot air balloon into power lines) Me: is that good
sbellelauren found my new hero today when i saw a woman punch a plant that was in her way while walking
boominonion my Mad Max-style fleet of war vehicles would be one of those sweet Guitar Cars followed by like 17 food trucks
ryankresse I am at the barber shop. There are three people ahead of me. We have not formed a quartet.
JerryThomas Five Ways Listicles Are Ruining Your Life
RowdyBowden I remember when all I had to read on the toilet was ingredients on the shampoo bottle. Now I can read shampoo ingredients from my phone!
YesThatGiraffe “Help! I’m on fire!” “Well, don’t be that.” -How most helpful advice sounds in an emotional crisis.
jonnysun signs she likes you: 1. says “i like you” to you 2. sends you a message saying “i like you” in the message 3. shouts “i like you” at ur face
MatCro ME: Vader’s light sabre is red and Obi-wan’s blue. Why are the sparks green, not purple? DR: I meant questions about your son. ME: Oh. No
ojedge Me: (angrily) “Perhaps u should just leave!” Escher: “Fine!” *walks out door* *down stairs* *walks out door* *down stairs* *walks out door*
CarlyRM You might have a chronic illness if… you take a break in the middle of cleaning your tiny apartment to lie on the floor.
usedwigs My kids call poop a “boom boom” and this brings me joy.
ProBirdRights #NationalBiscuitDay? excuse you Eggland, every day is biscuit day. every minute is biscuit minute. the fabric of spacetime is biscuinfinity
danguterman AMAZING: By the time he was 36, Mozart had already died.
TheToddWilliams Prince Charming: I will awaken her with love’s sweet ki– Sleeping Beauty: five more minutes
daemonic3 Son, always wait 30 minutes after eating before swimming “But dad we’re goldfish” Oh yeah, I forgot “Forgot what?”
DadandBuried I’m never more terrified than when my 4yo makes me shut my eyes so he can surprise me with something.
aimlessamers Like a good neighbor, I pretend you’re not there.
MatCro (Restaurant) Woman: “Quick! My husband has collapsed! Call an ambulance!” Waiter: “We don’t have a phone. Is Pepsi ok?”
Shanehasabeard Sleepy Mountain Towns Feud Over Who’s Sleepier. “We’re the sleepiest fucking town ever” says one “Can’t hear you, we’re asleep” says the 2nd
suntzufuntzu Two roads diverged in a wood, so we bulldozed the forest and added extra lanes. There’s a Kohl’s there now.
benicus_rex Oh, the Places You’ll Go! And Then Immediately Wish You Hadn’t! And Then You’ll Pet a Dog for an Hour Until Your Friends are Ready to Leave!
AbrasiveGhost Search History: Cat armor Buy armor for cats Cat jousting tournaments How to stop armored cats Cat army how to stop national guard phone #
pleatedjeans Any wedding can be a fairy tale wedding if you serve porridge and release three angry bears into the reception hall
matthewbaldwin Woman at the aquarium asked “is that a moray?” and it took all my willpower not to reply in song.
What is Follow Friday? It’s a Twitter meme that I have taken a couple steps further. Learn more about it in my FAQ.See my nomination for a Shorty Award for Follow Friday here. You can read more Follow Friday goodness here.
