An old, rebellious soul

I'm an old soul. An old, and rebellious soul.

Contradictory? Agreed.

The minute that someone tells me I should be a certain way, I go the opposite. And I know that as an adult and as a mother I should have outgrown this by now, but I have realized its not something I can ever grow out.

It's who I am.

I question everything, I over analyze, and I'll try anything once. I have to know everything for myself....Its kind of like I took Lavar Burton's quote from then end to Reading Rainbow, to "don't take my word for it" too literally, and I have to figure out things in my own way in my own space.

But, I'm deeply connected to my "inner me" at the same time. I don't show it to people often, but its there. And I trust it more than I trust you to be quite blunt.

...And my inner me is a really old lady, I think.

haha

I'm not a product of the times. I almost hate technology---I hate the instant accessibility that an IPhone brings. I hate being at a dinner table and everyone is head down in their own cyber-world. But more than that, I hate that I follow suit. I follow most of the time cause I'm like "what the hell is everyone looking at? I better check..." So, I whip out my phone and check, too.

Then I see this:

And it rings true to me. Its exactly how I feel. All my old lady self wants is to connect with people. I don't want to know about you so that I can then go gossip and spew all your information out in a twisted way...I just want to hear because I honestly like to know. I learn from you...you learn from me. And I don't ever want to fix anybody, because there is something beautiful that happens when you break down in front of someone and the other person is just there for you, not giving you instructions on how to not feel what you're feeling, don't you agree?
So, I decided a few weeks ago that I wouldn't write anything on here until I felt compelled to post something, which is kind of scary.


Most of you bloggers will understand what I am talking about, because there is this common knowledge thing when it comes blogging now. A formula I guess you could call it, about how to have a successful blog. This formula dictates that you blog on a schedule to let your readers know when your posts are coming, on top of that: have one or more day themes like "Fashion Friday", do giveaways, always have multiple and beautiful photos in every post, and throw in promotions here and there.

Well, I hated the formula. It goes against the grain of my soul.

So, I stopped with the filler posts. A few days went by and it felt weird to not check in with you guys. Then it felt scary. Like, Oh no...its been 8 days. I'll lose readers, they'll worry, etc. Then I turned the corner, and it felt pretty freeing.

In a world where there is literally a "how to" on every single thing you can think of including, I kid you not, "How to Pray For Your Husband" (...which is crazy to me, because if you're the one married to the guy, I promise that you know your husband more than the woman typing up the Internet husband prayer list on pinterest---If you dig deep, you'll know exactly how and what you need to pray for in your spouse.) But anyways, it felt good to kick the formula, and the "How-to's" to the curb.

I learned to not live in fear that if I don't follow the formula that my writing must suck and not be worth reading. And I guess, this post is to encourage the other writers out there that can't, or dont want to follow the formula either, that they can still be good, too. Really good.

So maybe you dont have a photo for your post today...who cares? So maybe you're not writing during peak hours, or maybe you dont even have a single reader. Continue to write anyways---why? Because I want to read it. I want to know you. And others do, too.