I Miss My Runner’s Body

Eleven Days.

The last time I ran was eleven days ago. When I realized that I should probably stop being so stubborn and accept the fact that the bump and inflammation on my Achilles wasn’t going to go away by itself.

After anticipating my return to running for so long, I very carefully and deliberately slipped a pair of blinders on my eyes. Those first few runs were hard but they were supposed to be hard, right? Legs heavy and askew, Mistimed rhythm.

But the truth?

I miss my runner’s body.

I don’t mean the physical aesthetic of a runner’s body — I’m far from having the lean build that lends itself to effortless running.

I miss the strength and confidence that my running body gives/gave me. The reserves of strength that I can draw on whether I’m embracing the suck on a long run or in the eye of my five year old son’s tantrum storm.

I miss the efficient passage of breath into and out of my body. The freedom to hit the road, move and sweat and return a little bit closer to the true me.

I miss my body cooperating with me, a body that functions with me, not against me. A body that doesn’t seem to get a kick out of reminding me that I’m in the last year of one decade and on the cusp of entering a new decade (and that doesn’t give my husband more fodder for reminding me of my age).

It took a long time to find that runner’s body. I started off slowly and achey, plodding ahead. Even though I questioned and doubted my creaky knees and heel striking feet, I showed up every day. And in the process, I found my runner’s body.

I found it once, and then twice and then three times. And each time, my runner’s body took me to a different place in my life.

First, helping to redefine my relationship with my body.

Second, creating space and taking me back to myself after becoming a mother.

Third, connecting me to an unexpected community that I never knew I needed.

It’s really tempting to look back at what used to be, to want to be the runner I was last summer and fall, to have that comfort and confidence.

But I have to remember to run forward and not backwards. Because, while the whole comeback thing royally sucks, starting from point zero is a fresh start.

And I don’t know where running will take me to this time and what gifts it will give me. I can only trust that lacing up, starting slowly and finding my way back will reveal a new path in front of me.

*************************

More Ways to Follow Love, Life, Surf

Twitter -> @cyu888
Instagram -> cyu888
Facebook -> Love, Life, Surf
Pinterest -> LoveLifeSurf
Google -> Christine Yu
Email or in Reader -> Subscribe here
Bloglovin’ -> Love, Life, Surf

The post I Miss My Runner’s Body appeared first on Love Life Surf.