The ‘Real’ Baby & Toddler Milestones
Paid partnership with SMA® Nutrition
From the moment we fall pregnant we start clocking those ‘milestones’. I’m not sure why I thought it necessary to compare my growing babies to various species of fruit over the nine month period. I guess we’re all guilty of needing to make our other halves aware that we’re carrying a baby that’s the size of a watermelon (and so yes, we’re allowed to be a little grumpy and unreasonable right now!)
Of course, this constant need to evaluate and compare during pregnancy is just the beginning. Those first few months with a newborn are frantic and we desperately want to know when this exhausting “phase” will end, only to be met with so called ‘sleep regression’, the ‘wonder weeks’ and then those dreaded ‘tantrum twos’…
The SMA® Baby Club is a great resource to help support parents from pregnancy through to toddlerhood. Members receive a tailored welcome pack covering the milestones of baby’s first 1000 days, plus regular emails full of personalised tips and insights tailored to the age of your baby. There’s also a whole host of members-only offers and useful tools for every step of the journey – from a baby name generator to an ovulation calendar.
As part of my partnership with SMA® Nutrition and to celebrate the first 1000 days of baby, I thought I’d make a compilation of the real baby milestones – no ‘wonder weeks’ or ‘mental leaps’ over here, just the observations of one mum*, sat writing over a cup of tea whist suffering from severe lack of sleep and general exhaustion.
*Based on no scientific evidence whatsoever…
1 – 3 Months: The ‘What Day Is It Today?’ Stage
You find yourself walking from room to room, forgetting what it was you came in looking for. Nappies? Baby wipes? A dummy? Baby grow?
Conversations between you and your partner are only about how tired you are. Words completely evade you and every time you go to say something you’ve either forgotten what it was or you simply can’t be bothered to speak. Apart from in those moments of vomit/poop induced panic: “I NEED A NAPPY! THROW THE MUSLIN! WHERE’S THE BABY WIPES??!!”
You dread people coming to the door because you know you look like utter crap and you can’t remember the last time you washed your hair. What, why is the health visitor here? Again??
6 – 9 Months: The “Sorry About The Mess” Stage
You can frequently be found crawling around on your hands and knees underneath tables picking up peas, nuggets and chewed up potatoes. You evacuate entire restaurants and after hoovering up your own plate of food you can’t get out the door quick enough – before of course telling the staff that you’re “Sorry about the mess!”
(Spoiler Alert: This stage doesn’t really stop at 9 months…)
9 – 12 Months: The Destroyer Stage
Hide the plants, the vases, the photo frames. Lock up your valuables and screw your beloved furniture to your walls. Because there’s a baby on the loose!
Those days of being able to pop your child down in their bouncer whilst you got ready for work, cleaned your bathroom or cooked your dinner are long gone and you wonder how you’ll ever be able to get anything ‘done’ ever again.
Games now consist of hiding behind (and yanking on) your expensive curtains, or seeing how many handprints can be embedded onto your windows. TV remotes are simply toys to be smashed open, loo rolls are to be unravelled and cupboards to be entirely emptied of their contents.
Other favourite crawler pastimes include pulling damp laundry off the radiators, emptying the soil out of plant pots and drawing on walls and floors (or anywhere but the paper).
12 – 20 Months: The Diva Stage
Some days you’ll feel like you’re the servant to a tyrannous dictator as your little one realises his independence (aka power). Heaven forbid if you don’t stand to attention or understand what your toddler is asking of you. Cue fits of rage, head thrown back in anger because of course he wanted the blue sippy cup and not the yellow beaker…
The dinner you prepared wasn’t quite what he fancied today so fistfuls are being hurled to the floor. He may not have wanted the fork when you first offered it to him but now he does. And how do you not know that? Call yourself a mother?
He doesn’t want to go into the buggy – he would rather walk aimlessly around in circles crouching every now and again to inspect another pebble. How dare you pick him up! What do you mean you have somewhere to be? Don’t you know the world runs on their time??
20 months – Forever: The Moving Out Stage
“I have my own mind now Mum and I don’t really need you anymore, I can do everything myself you know.”
This is what my 20 month old says to me everyday. Not in words of course but in his constant fits of anger and frustration at me every time I try to change his nappy, get him dressed, put him in his car seat, carry him into nursery, take off his coat off, cut his fingernails…You get the gist.
The four year old is still like this now. Although, I have to admit that being able to dress herself is a definite bonus these days. She even insists on making her own sandwiches and sometimes even makes her own bed – #mumwin indeed. Being able to unbuckle her seat belt and thinking she can cross roads without holding my hand however, not so great.
What other real milestones would you add to this list? I’d love to hear your thoughts below! And don’t forget, for those more ‘scientific’ milestone updates and heaps of tailored tips and insights, you can sign up to the SMA ® Baby Club.
Disclosure: Paid partnership with SMA® Nutrition.
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