I Carry Your Heart With Me Always

Positivity Pimp has been quite over the past few days as a very, very special lady passed away on December 7th.
This letter will explain the emptiness which I feel right now.

Dear Nanny,

It feels so surreal to write this letter of love to you because in some strange way, I always thought that I would have you forever.

To say you were one special lady in my life is one of the biggest understatements I could make. My only wish is that more people could have had the opportunity to know you in the same way that I did. To the outside world you were one tough cookie, and while that may be true in a sense, you were also the biggest softie I've ever known.

You whole essence here on this earth was to love and be loved, and this was reflected in so many ways throughout your life.

I've heard it said that people come into our lives for a reason, bringing something we must learn. Having you as a very strong presence in my life has taught me a magnitude of life lessons.

You taught me that it is so important to tell the ones that we hold dear that we love them every single day. As the past few days have shown me, we don't always have forever. Whether is was a visit or a phone call, every interaction which we had together was filled with nothing but love. My heart bursts with gratitude that we both knew how we felt about each other, and that we have no unsaid words between us. Your last words to me were "I love you Chick". I'll treasure those words forever.

You also taught me how important it is to be kind to yourself. You gave so much of yourself to others, sometimes forgetting how important you were to yourself; but for the record you were always my Number One. You taught me that we don't always get it right; there will be times when we'll say and do things which we'll later regret, but on realising our mistakes it is important to sincerely apologise and then forgive ourselves too. Being kind to yourself is a very special gift & it's ok to put yourself first.

"Your health is your wealth". It would be impossible to recall how many times you said those words to me to me over the years. They really never registered with me until now. In your memory I promise to take care of my mind, body, and spirit. I will nurture them and place them first above all things.

Nan, you lived your life fully and deeply through your family. Our problems were your problems, and our achievements were your triumphs. You loved nothing more than being surrounded by family and friends to chat and natter to and reminisce on old times. In later years when you were unable to leave the house as much you used to, you used your kitchen window as your own Facebook profile. You knew the ins and outs of everything, always the one for the latest gossip, and at times I wondered if you knew more information than the Evening News! Your stories were unrivalled.

While you were so 'wonderfully' verbal at times, and spoke your mind without much hesitation, you also knew that some things were best left unsaid. Yet, your facial expressions could convey a million sentiments! You were a watch and I knew what made you tick.

I'll always have those special memories of just sitting and being with you. You brightened up the darkest of days with your wit, sarcasm, and your amazing sense of humour. The true testament of your character can be measured by the beautiful words conveyed by family, friends, and neighbours over the past few days.

To everyone you met you left a hand print on their hearts. We will go forward from today remembering how you made us all feel. That was one of your amazing qualities. I'm also so blessed that many of your wonderful qualities are also reflected in my own Mam; your compassion, your warmth, and your distinctive motherly love will always live on. It is my only hope that I too can become the kind of woman that can remain strong in the face of great difficulties, and have the ability to melt into a puddle of love the next. That was you. If I can achieve a small portion of your strength and determination I will be extremely blessed.

Right now Nanny, I can't even begin to imagine what life will be like without you, but I take comfort knowing that you are now with those who have watched over you for so many years. The skies shine brighter now that you've joined them. You have earned your wings as an angel and I ask that you watch over us and do for us in Heaven, what you've always done for us here.

You will always be our Queen Bee and Mother Hen. Looking to the future one thing is for certain... I will carry your heart with me always. I will carry it in my heart.

Love you to the moon and back,

Jenn x