Progress.

179.4

Finally, finally, finally.

This is familiar territory. I can handle this. Back in the 170s, even if it’s just barely, means that I’m making progress and that I’m really losing the weight again.

I forgot how much I change when this happens. How I wake up ready to tackle the day with enthusiasm and how my thoughts race ahead to what I need to do at work, when I’ll exercise later, who I’m meeting up with in the evenings…

See, when I’m overweight and not doing anything about it, or when I’m overweight and gaining, I never get that far. From the moment I open my eyes in the morning, I’m filled with a sense of dread. Waking up means getting dressed. Getting dressed means trying to remember which of the four or five outfits that that actually fit me I wore yesterday, or the day before… I have to keep track, so I don’t wear things too close together in the rotation. When you start your morning that way, the odds are stacked against you for enjoying anything. Anything except food. There’s always that to look forward to. In fact, there’s only that to look forward to.

What a tormented place to dwell.

These days I have a little wiggle room in my pants. My dresses are slowly coming back out of the closet. I wore heels to work the other day. And then the day after that. And then for the rest of the week. I did my hair. I fixed my makeup. I laughed, I spoke up in meetings, I made small talk in situations when I normally just duck my head and try to bow out without being noticed.

I got an email from a guy at work, whom I’ve only casually spoken to in the halls, asking me out for lunch on Friday. Granted, he’s 45. I’m 28, so that’s a little out of my range, but gosh, it’s nice to be noticed anyway. I was talking to my roommate about it and said, “so, this is what happens when I lose weight. I mean, the guy is a little old for me, but I like this a lot better than being invisible.”

She laughed at me. “No, that’s what happens when you carry yourself with confidence.”

It was one of those sweet conversations. Affirming. The kind of encouragement and honesty you share with people when you love them.

“You’re different now. You like yourself better, and it comes out in your personality. I think that’s what he noticed.”

It leads me to wonder… maybe another 20 pounds and the men in my own age group come ’round? Who knows. But this time, I’m going to find out.

This time. I’m going to get ‘er done.

Elle

Original article: Progress.