Life Goes On

I don’t know how to get back into this blogging business. I guess I just have to do it, right?

So much has happened since Matteo came home from the hospital, it’s just too hard to go back and recap. It’s been a learning curve for Chad and I, obviously. I think it’s a learning curve for anyone who brings home a baby, but even more so for us, given all the complications we’ve had to face. I try not to stop and think about it too much because it stresses me out. The fact that for 137 days I had to leave my child in the care of other people, that I was unable to bring him home just hurts thinking about it. Panic attack hurt. I just can’t dwell on it.

Having him home on CPAP has been a challenge; an added stress on top of normal baby stress. On the one hand we are so thankful that this machine allows us to have him home, but on the other hand it is the biggest pain in the butt when its 2am and I have to sit and wait for him to fall asleep enough that putting the mask on him will not wake him up into a fit of rage. The only bonus to having CPAP at home is that we qualify for nursing hours, which means a nurse comes to our house to give us a break and take care of Matteo. Its the only reason I haven’t totally lost my mind due to lack of sleep!

Sometimes Matteo is so cute I want to explode and other times he is so frustrating I want to explode. Last week Matteo was sick with a sore throat and cough which was rather stressful for us given his whole lung issue. Thankfully his cold didn’t seem to affect his breathing but it did turn him into a cranky fussy fidget monster. It made Chad and I laugh when we ran into some friends and they exclaimed at how Matteo is such a happy baby (because he gets super happy and smiley when meeting people). On his good days he is so much fun, but on his bad days he is so fussy it is maddening!

Next week we have an appointment with Respirology where we will find out what the next step is for Matteo. It would be amazing if he has progressed enough to no longer need CPAP but it also scares me because no CPAP means no safety net. I guess it’s out of our hands either way, I just think hes gotten to the point where CPAP is more disruptive then it is helpful.

In non Matteo news we have spent the first part of Summer fixing up our front yard after last years drain tile debacle. I originally didn’t want to work on the front because I have major plans for the back, but Chad suggested starting small and as we all know, Chad is always right. I am super happy with the way it turned out. I will have to post pictures of it very soon. My life basically consists of pictures of Matteo and pictures of flowers. True story.