A Father’s Love ~ Baby Owen
He stood beside his wife, feeding her ice chips, tenderly. Sometimes using humor to soften the heaviness of weary moments as they waited to meet their son. Because, if he can make her laugh…then all is still right with the world…even when nothing seems right at all. Humor is a wonderful diffuser for the most painful moments. A man who can make you laugh in any circumstance. That’s a treasure.
I know. I married a man with that priceless gift.
They planned every detail, as they waited for Owen’s arrival.
Beautiful outfits, a Cuddle Cot, how they would spend their time, what pictures they wanted captured, support through SGM.
I had the privilege of walking with them a bit, during the months of planning. As baby Owen’s mother labored. And, as he was welcomed earthside.
His mother planned every moment…beginning his legacy, even before his birth, through Owen’s Gift. I’ve never met a mother who was already planning a way to help others, while still walking her own agonizing and beautiful path as she soaked in the moments with her son.
As Owen’s heart slowed on the monitor before his delivery, it was his father’s hands searching along mother’s belly to find their son’s sweet last kicks. He took her hand and gently led her to the spot where they could feel their son’s goodbye together, as she clung tightly to her Comfort Bear.
Owen’s father wanted to give him his bath. And, so he did.
His father helped us do the footprinting, and the foot molds. His father helped to dress him. Not only his mother, but his father held him lovingly in his strong arms….arms that protect and provide for those he loves.
A builder by trade and a problem solver by nature, he used ingenuity to help us maneuver the mementos and dressing time.
Both mother and father were able to parent in the sacred moments they spent with their son.
I am so in awe of their courage and strength…and most of all, the great beauty of their love. Love can sustain a family pushed beyond the brink more than once. Love can enable a father to stand and care for his tiny son, born silently. Love can help a mother plan for a brief life. Love can carry them both through the moments and years to come.
As we are often concerned with many mothers walking through loss, let us never forget the sacred love of a father…and the deep and real grief he carries in his strong daddy heart. Not all dads are able to stand so boldly in love and protection of their families, even speaking bold truth in moments when it is needed.
For the dads carrying this weight quietly, you are not alone. Your part in your child’s life and your family’s life are so important and valid….and so is your grief.
A poem shared in the Walking With You for Fathers Booklet:
It must be very difficult
To be a man in grief,
Since “men don’t cry”
and “men are strong”
No tears can bring relief.
It must be very difficult
To stand up to the test,
And field the calls and visitors
So she can get some rest.
They always ask if she’s all right
And what she’s going through.
But seldom take his hand and ask,
“My friend, but how are you?”
He hears her crying in the night
And thinks his heart will break.
He dries her tears and comforts her,
But “stays strong” for her sake.
It must be very difficult
To start each day anew.
And try to be so very brave-
He lost his baby too.
Eileen Knight Hagemeister
If you are a father walking through loss, and would like a copy of Walking With You for Fathers, please email sgm dot shipping at gmail dot com and we will send you a copy free of charge.
To request a Dreams of You package, click here. To learn more about birth and bereavement doula support or perinatal hospice services through SGM, click here.
*Photos by SGM/SBD Birth and Bereavement Doula and Remembrance Photographer, Kelly Gerken
