i miss you so much

today is never a good day for me. it is a date etched into my memory thanks to painful loss. 5 years ago i awoke to a world covered in snow, usually a happy thing for me, but not this day. 5 years ago today i woke up to my mother sobbing, and people taking my father away on a stretcher for the last time. my dad hated snow, and the irony of his passing during a blizzard made me want to laugh, if i hadn’t been crying so hard.

there is nothing i can do, or tell myself, that ever makes this hurt go away. nothing dulls it, and in fact most things magnify it by multiples. i lost my strength and wisdom on this day. the person who guided me though life, showed me the right way to live, and was there when i needed someone the most. he was my hero, he was my friend, he was my father. i see him everywhere and it hurts that i cannot have him in this world with me anymore. i am pained with the fact that he will never get to meet my son, he will never get to walk me down the aisle.

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Jenny Suiter

i miss you so much